you would have been proud beloved
he was you, exactly you, down to the curl on your head
we met by accident he and i - he liked me and i liked him
on this carousal on line - he asked me and i wrote let me tell you what i don't like
and he chose from there. and i was on air. i had breakfast
with a mutual friend and she said if only you met this guy
- i have been praying - and i said i met someone: showed
his picture - and she said that's him
and it was and we laughed over dinner and beers. he told
me his job: taking men off the street who hurt children and i queried
how do you sleep with those images. And he looked at me
and said - the same way you do -
he spoke about my job
as a lawyer - and i almost let him in but then the appetizer
came and we moved forward with jokes and stories of our
children.
And how he always wanted a boy but he had two
girls he would do anything for. And he did. He worked three
jobs: he taught, I taught we talked of that, how he worked under
cover on weekends and how he was glad i had agreed to Thursday
but next week perhaps - i was more than worth it
and i was. we went and we danced. and he played guitar
then the next we slid into a movie and his hand on my thigh
ever so gently (like when i sat in your car beloved - do you recall that)
then he walked me to my car. gentle pulled me towards
him and it was the slightest kiss that makes me reach up
as if a wire is attached and enough voltage is streaming
through the veins that the slightest touch is ...
and i touched him on his
arm and i asked to tell him something: and it all came out
too fast: there was boo, he was shot, there was his owner
and how the owner left and how i was still connected but
how it was over and he was gone - boo was gone and so...
and he stopped me. he didn't hug me. he held my hand
and said you are not ready and let me go.
i stood there and got in my car - months later i dreamt of
him. he was doing his job, i was doing mine, there was
a blonde woman and three men.
he yelled at me to get back
in the car. i didn't - he covered me. he was shot.
I let him
know my dream: i didn't care if he thought me crazy but
i omitted my presence. he told me ok he'll watch out and
to go out and see him play, he had joined a band - i didn't
and i won't because if i am never there then he will be safe.
his job, like yours, is more important than anything i can ever
offer him
or you beloved.
