Today for Coping:
1. I swim.
2. I read.
3. Trying to write a book. One fiction and one non fiction.
4. Enjoy time with my cats and children and amazing friends.
5. Yoga and Mantras
6. Plan endless trips to endless places on this earth I want to see before my time ends.
7. Listen endlessly to Sadhguru. If you have not read or listened to his book it will change your life. You can find more information at the following link: Official Website of Sadhguru: https://isha.sadhguru.org/us/en
His book is INNER ENGINEERING is timeless and very painless. The lessons taught are life changing.
He has several free resources on youtube - I recommend : How to have a perfect relationship : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk4aN_ot5ww
Only have five minutes then Why relationships Go from Love to Hate; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWirS0eyhkQ
THE BELOW WAS WRITTEN WHILE I WAS STILL MARRIED. I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED SINCE 2012.
First: Exercise. I know time. But the truth is: if you feel bad about your body, you'll feel bad about yourself, and you'll just continue to eat, continue to watch endless television and wonder where your life is.Find something doable and enjoyable. I like to swim.
After the children go to sleep I go swimming at the local gym four times a week (about 45 minutes each session but lately I have added more time to ease the extra stress which allows me to sleep better). I like to do laps and see how far in the lane I can swim without taking a breath. I like to watch the bubbles as they pass by my hands. I pray as I swim and day dream and if a poem comes to me then so much the better. If I don't swim the stress from work, from kids, from my deteriorating relationship builds up.
I learned to swim in law school, the year I left my husband, and you guessed it by 2010 I only swam sporadically. I preferred a glass of red wine, the couch, my I pad, and a Seinfeld rerun. I had bigger nicer clothes and I had a nice wine collection, but I was not happy with me which added more stress on my already crumbling marriage.
But God and skirts with buttons have a way of waking us up – so in short EXERCISE even if it is only parking the car a block more away. That counts.
Second: Vent. Find a way to productively vent. I write poetry. I am part of an email support group aspergersandotherhalf@yahoogroups.com. I now have this blog. Perhaps you have a friend who doesn't mind listening but take care that your friends don't make you feel crazy.
My girlfriends (the few I have) are very compassionate when it comes to my son. But make me feel inadequate and sort of crazy with regards to my husband because after all my husband works, cooks, cleans, has pretty blue eyes and other nice physical attributes (he runs marathons), cares for the children, and allows me to write poetry and practice law....what more could a woman want? In short my life to my friends looks well balanced but if they took the time and/or if I could explain it more (i.e. yes these are great attributes; however, if I try to cook - he takes over, when I clean - he comes behinds me and re-cleans, with the children his way is best and the only way and it goes on and on... until I feel nothing I do or ever will do is good enough) – in short my friends see a Hollywood set – good from the front but where is the middle and shouldn't there be a back?
Third: Resources. Find resources in the community and don’t forget face book and list servers for inspirational pick me ups and support groups. Google “Autism” and the name of your city and find a tremendous amounts of resources. Don’t forget Any Baby Can and Easter Seals… amazing support and mostly free. Don’t be afraid to buy books, borrow books, or take a parenting class for special needs’ children, if you have insurance – some insurance companies will pay for a limited amount of speech and occupational therapy.
So call and ask… you know the answer if you don’t call – NO. So call and a “maybe” or a “yes” may come your way.
Fourth: Stability. Find peace with your understanding of God.
Fifth: Advocate. Help somehow, someway spread the word. Because by spreading the word, it somehow becomes more tolerable and you gain acceptance of the truth. See, my child is diagnosed with Autism (easy… kinda…).
Sixth: Try. Try different non-
As soon as he gets a little older I plan to begin music therapy and may even delve into scent therapy. I keep an eye and ear out for new ideas with regards to autism. It can’t hurt and it keeps me from collapsing under despair.
I will not however place him on medication of any type.
Seventh: Acceptance. My child and his father will never be “Neurotypical” but the truth as I am discovering is: who wants to be typical? I don't and that is why I write. It is the only time I can hyper focus and even hope to get a glimpse of what life must be like for them.
Hope it helps a little – thank you for reading.
Helpful Books:
22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome by Rudy Simone (May 15, 2009)
Disconnected Kids: The Groundbreaking Brain Balance Program for Children with Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Other Neurological Disorders by Robert Melillo (Jan 6, 2009)
Early Intervention Games: Fun, Joyful Ways to Develop Social and Motor Skills in Children with Autism Spectrum or Sensory Processing Disorders by Barbara Sher (Oct 26, 2009)
Unraveling the Mystery of Autism and Pervasive Developmental Disorder: A Mother's Story of Research & Recovery by Karyn Seroussi and Ph.D. Bernard Rimland (Jan 8, 2002)
Helpful Sites:
Email support group aspergersandotherhalf@yahoogroups.com
