how does one tell a man that
my love is linked to a past - a mis
calculation, judgment passed
my step dad was so tall. he had
such blue eyes, his hands
and arms strong. his demeanor
toxic: his laughter contagious
he charmed creditors and used
friends: wringing them out
till there was nothing there.
he was sullen, and angry, hate filled
the world had done him wrong
he had done himself in. he was
no more than a shadow in my life
a hurtful shadow that propelled
me to escape. he hated me more
and i hated him. till the moment
he took his last breathe as i held
his hand i hated him. hated his
name calling, belittling, his coldness
he was so small in that bed as his
breathe escaped him and i would
not forgive even as the tears fell
from my face onto his hands. i
should have taken in that last
breathe and let all my hate go
instead - i search out such forgiveness
in the arms of a man who loves me
but is not in love with me. i need
to tell him.
my love (in parts) is not his -
it belongs to the shadow
he mirrors when
the storm in him escapes
